Every club’s biggest ‘what if’ moment of the AFL era – Part Four

What if Wayne Carey stayed at Arden Street?

Across the three-and-a-quarter previous entries in this series, I have stressed ad nauseum that the vast majority of these alternative narratives presented are born out of regrets.

However, in the case of North Melbourne, the incident that led to their brand of melancholic musing arose after illicit actions took place well beyond the boundary line.

As a disclaimer, I have deliberately left this subheading for this particular piece as bland as possible for the dual reasons that everyone already knows what I am talking about and that my meagre bank balance won't survive a libel lawsuit.

I will also stress that as someone who has lived and breathed for some time, I too haven't lived a life devoid of sin.

However, even though I have never partaken in any meaningful conversation with Carey, as he was the catalyst for chaos at Arden Street 20-years ago, he must remain the focus of this hypothetical chronicle.

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With that out of the way, let's hop into things.

What if Wayne Carey's moral judgements had been as strong as his contested marking ability? Would the Kangaroos have added to their four premiership trophies? Would ‘The Duck' currently find life easier within the geographic bounds of the 3051 postcode?

Following a 2001 season that saw the Wagga Wagga spearhead suit up for North in just 14-games after feeling the effects of a myriad of differing ailments, Carey and his Roos limped into the summer break after their 9-0-13 campaign.

SEE ALSO: What if the Bluebaggers were never caught with brown paper bags?

Despite the fact that there were numerous household names beginning their careers with the blue-collar club, many of the senior names on the Shinboner's list at that stage were entering their footballing winter.

Prior to the start of the Roos' 2002 fixture, six names – including Carey - that had ‘been there, done that and won the medal' for the club had blown the candles out on their 30^th birthday cake, with the yet to be named Shinboner of the Century, Glenn Archer, snapping at their heels aged 29.

Still, head coach Denis Pagan – then entering his final year in the role - had a plethora of names that were either in or around their prime at his disposal, with Colbert, Grant, Simpson, Pickett and ‘Boomer' Harvey all shy of their 27^th birthday.

Although the club was only two-years post it's fourth flag and, on-paper, their list seemed able to contend again, the Kangaroos' form the previous year had many musing that the writing appeared to be on the walls of their decaying Fogarty Street grandstand.

If even a fraction of a breeze could still waft beneath the sills of their premiership window during the 2002 Wizard Cup series, then these gentle tickles were emphatically snuffed out ahead of the season proper.

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As commentary on extra marital affairs is better left for the gossip rags attached to the front of supermarket checkouts, I'll spare all eyes an unreliable recount of the events of March 2002.

In spite of this, as the fallout had a profound impact on a football club, I will endeavour to focus on the action that was played out in studded boots.

As previously mentioned, 2001 proved to be an annus horribilis for an ageing North Melbourne list, and with the club's skipper and best player asked to leave the premises, many were of the belief that would only go from bad to worse.

SEE ALSO: What if Maynard had been paid a free-kick?

Yet, even though the Roos may have won just nine games in '01, by the curtain came down on Pagan's final season at Arden Street, the club's splintered playing group were able to belt out their unique theme a further 12-times.

In spite of the fact that North were able to return to the September action in 2002, their ambitions of adding to their already obtained silverware were thwarted in their Elimination Final loss to Neale Daniher's Demons.

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After dropping five-games throughout the season by less than 20-points, one can't help but wonder how much higher than 7^th the Roos could have bounded had Carey not made Las Vegas his home in that year.

In an attempt to answer this, I have chosen a potentially ludicrous measure of finding an average goals-per-game figure that Carey could have realistically added in 2002.

As the man that many dubbed ‘The King' had slotted 105-goals in his final 37-games in blue and white stripes, it could be argued that a mean of 2.8 majors a week could be ascribed to his Nike laced right foot.

But as mentioned, Carey was slowing down by 2002, so as to truly find a reasonable number, I have added his 56-goals in his 28 starts for the Crows to help find a balance.

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Once these further figures are run through a calculator, it could be argued that Carey's worth to the Roos that season was somewhere around 2.5-goals per fixture.

With this wonky reasoning in mind, had the prototypical centre-half-forward had behaved himself and also met his benchmark, then four out of five of these aforementioned defeats would have been erased.

If you add these proposed wins to their realistic tally and adjust their competitor's, the Kangaroos would have sewn up third place on the ladder and a date with the eventual premiers Brisbane in a Qualifying Final.

As one of the losses turned victories was against the Lions at the ‘Gabba (the venue for this theoretical clash) a case can be made for lightening striking twice.

SEE ALSO: What if Stephen Dank was never contacted?

If this were to be the case, then then the Carey-led Kangaroos would have earned the right to face Port Adelaide in a Preliminary Final at the MCG – a side that North had knocked off twice that year by an average of more than three-goals.

With the Lions again likely to have awaited Pagan's men in the Grand Final, this fanciful form-line shows that Carey and Pagan would have held aloft their third premiership cup.

Now, these mental gymnastics may mean absolutely nothing, as football games have never been won on paper or after punching digits into an electronic tabulator. Nevertheless, I am simply showing you that a case, however implausible, can be made.

Still, it could also be argued that the Shinboners may not have bounced back at all from their lull in 2001 had they not been granted a sour adhesive to mend their fractured club.

I am also sure that I have drawn the ire of many for suggesting that Leigh Matthews' Lions were anything short of invincible across the month of September between '01 and '03. But as we are dealing in the imaginary and the supposed, there is nothing you can do to stop me, thought Police.

Although it is impossible to know just how North Melbourne's contemporary history would appear had Glenn Archer hosted an uneventful barbeque more than two-decades ago, but what is known is that any premiership reunions that Carey and company attend have the potential to be a lot warmer than they are almost certain to be in reality.