Regrets are an inevitable part of life. They come with the territory of breathing and are a part of the unwritten deal we all sign for the right to exist.
Although some contrition can feel enormous โ such as the misery born when a relationship breaks down or after committing a far more criminal act โ others are forgotten in the blink of an eye.
In terms of the unpredictable game of football, there are a plethora of scenarios that have made or broken careers.
What if your side had picked a different player from a certain draft?
What if your star spearhead had kicked straight when it mattered?
What if said player was better behaved?
Well, for fans of every creed we have sought to answer the question that has rankled you for years and kept you up at nights for far too long.
We can't promise that we won't open old wounds, as let's face it, that is the entire point of the exercise.
PART ONE:ย Adelaide, Brisbane Bears, Brisbane Lions, Carlton
PART TWO:ย Collingwood, Essendon, Fitzroy, Fremantle
PART THREE:ย Geelong, Gold Coast, Greater Western Sydney, Hawthornย
PART FIVE: Sydney, St Kilda, West Coast, Western Bulldogs
However, if we can help you find closure by looking at the facts and asking what if the doors slid the other way, then we have done our job.
As always, feel free to critique our non-linear traipses, as we are tipping some of you are unlikely to enjoy some of the conclusions we have drawn.
With the first three instalments in this series now behind us, here is part four of the game's greatest โwhat ifs'ย since 1990.
Port Adelaide
What if Port weren't blocked from entering the AFL in 1991?
Since the dawn of federation, there has also been a healthy distrust and dislike that has lobbed, bounced and been returned across the border between South Australia and Victoria.
Understanding who first served this noxious projectile is hard to trace, but for anyone that has ever passed through these neighboring states, you will know that they are both as keen as the other to keep the rally going across the MacCabe Corner of the net.
Although you would think that any miniature differences would have been smoothed rather than sanded after 80-years, you would in fact be wrong. By the time the 1980's came to pass, the semantics of this standoff had only intensified.
As I am here to talk about sport and not pie floats, red wine or how many trams each capital city has, I'll gloss over the minutiae and sink my teeth into only topic that is ever worth discussing ever โ football.
By the time that flared jeans and sideburns had gone out of fashion, the VFL was rapidly becoming as broke as parachute panted rapper MC Hammer. The SANFL, then a thriving competition, saw this as their point to pounce and formerly submitted a bid for an expansion license in 1981.
Despite the fact that the VFL, then headed by the Dr. Allen Aylett, initially rejected these advances, by the time that Jack Hamilton and Ross Oakley had succeeded the North Melbourne aligned dentist, the narrative had flipped on its head.
In 1986, the cash poor but history rich VFL clubs voted to expand the league so as to recoup funds from the hefty licensing fees that would need to be paid. A year later, the Eagles and Bears entered the competition, but the SANFL, still possibly smarting from their previous rejection, decided to reject the offer to join their neighbours.
SEE ALSO: What if Fitzroy's loan from Nauru was never called in?
Not only did the South Australian's turn down the offer but they also launched a community funded player retention scheme designed to stop the best local talents from plying their trade in Melbourne.
With seven of the SANFL's 10-clubs sitting in the red by the end of the 80's, the league was once again asked to join the newly minted AFL as the league's 15th team. Even though then SANFL boss Max Basheer once again dismissed the Victorians, a powerhouse team under his stewardship liked what they were hearing.
By the end of the 1989 season, Port Adelaide were without doubt the most dominant team in their particular competition.
Since their foundation in 1870, the Magpies had claimed a grand total of 29 premierships and were looking to cap off the club's third three-peat in 1990. As a community club that not only drew huge crowds but also had stacked coffers, Port Adelaide saw their chance to rise above their geographic neighbours and take their successful brand of football to the national level.
Prior to playing a practice match against AFL opponents Geelong ahead of their respective 1990 campaigns, Port signed a head of agreements with the AFL to enter the competition in 1991.
As you may know, the Prison Bar clad men are one of those teams that is infamous for either being loved or hated, and during the summer months of 1990, everyone โ including those at SANFL headquarters โ hated Port Adelaide.
After meetings were held and inked parchment was created at AFL headquarters in Melbourne, the Magpies were sleeping sound in the knowledge that they were finally to be afforded a chance to spread their wings and fly from their outgrown nest.
However, after court proceedings, back stabbing and a back flip from Basheer, the SANFL applied for Port's license under the same terms and snatched it from them at the eleventh hour.
Now, we all know that this competition backed team went on to become the Crows and that Port would have to wait a further six-years and five SANFL flags to join the AFL, but what if the Alberton club weren't played as patsies in this initial deal? What if Basheer and his board had let them fly?
SEE ALSO: What if the Dockers had kicked straight in the 2013 Grand Final?
When seeking to get to the bottom of this pair of questions, we must ask a whole lot more, including:
What would Port Adelaide's nickname be in the โbig league'?
What would they wear?
What song would they sing?
Where would they play?
Who would play for them?
Would they be any good?
Would they have won a flag as quickly as the Crows?
Before I give myself a headache at best or burden myself with an aneurysm at worst, I'm going to clear these queries from my plate before even looking at the buffet again.
Had Port joined the AFL in 1991, they would have had to have ceded the โMagpies' moniker, but as has been reported several times by primary sources, they would have simply just operated as the Port Adelaide Football Club rather than seek out another nickname.
As the club's โPower' tag came after club officials fell in love with the non-plural Orlando Magic title during a fact-finding mission in the mid-90s, this could have still been on the table at an earlier stage.
Yet, as the Florida hoops franchise was yet to win the draft lottery twice by this stage, the nickname definitely didn't have the same lustre as it did later in the decade.
When seeking to find an answer to their potential uniform, the answer is exceedingly interesting given the current climate.
As mentioned earlier, Port Adelaide signed a 15-point agreement with the AFL in 1990, with the 9th point of said document proving the most intriguing.
According to Norman Ashton's 2019 tome โDestiny: How Port Adelaide put itself on the national stage', the deal agreed upon by the league and Port stated that:
โThe commission agrees that Port Adelaide shall participate in the AFL competition under the name โPort Adelaide' and with players wearing its existing SANFL playing uniform subject only to changing its football socks and changing its Club emblem of โThe Magpies' so as to avoid confusion with the uniform and emblem of the Collingwood Football Club and subject to Port adopting an alternative uniform involving minor changes for matches between Port and the Collingwood Football Club, such changes to be approved by the Commission.'
So, cop that Eddie McGuire, the Prison Bars would have had a place in the AFL just months after your side claimed their drought breaking 1990 premiership and there wasn't a damn thing you could have done about it.
However, Port's theme song would have had to change, as Sydney already held the rights to the 'Notre Dame Fight Song'.
In terms of where Port would have played had they entered the AFL early, the only logical conclusion to draw is Alberton, as this was still the era in which teams ran out within their postcode.
Add this to the fact that there was less than a snowflake's chance in hades that the SANFL would allow the defecting team to play at Football Park, and the answer becomes exceedingly simple.
Even though this may have initially hurt them financially, the club's perpetually strong membership base and perennially solid relationship with sponsors would have likely seen them right during the dying days of the semi-professional era.
When seeking to analyse their potential playing list, the answer here is also easy. As Port would claim the 1990 SANFL flag โ their third on the trot โ you would have to imagine that due to quality and cohesion, the entire playing list would have been elevated โ even though they did taste defeat to the tune of 52-points in their previously mentioned pre-season clash just 12-months earlier.
SEE ALSO: What if 'Bomber' Thompson had departed the Cattery at the end of 2006?
If this was the case, then names like George Fiacchi, Greg Phillips, Gavin Wanganeen, Russell Johnston and Mark โChoco' Williams would have either returned to the grade or debuted at the level earlier than in reality.
Head coach, and the man the Power's best and fairest award is named after, John Cahill would have also started his second stint as a pedagogue at the level six seasons earlier than in actuality.
As Port were a defecting team, they would have had a hard time coaxing South Australian talent on other AFL lists back to the club - unless of course they were products of Alberton to begin with.
So, with this in mind, you can rule out Darren Jarman and Tony McGuiness returning, yet, the potential for names such as Greg Anderson coming home early would have steeply risen.
Although there is a relatively straight forward answer for all of these previous quandaries, the final one on our list is far more ambiguous.
As just mentioned, Port's list was a cohesive one that had proven able to win silverware at a state level with ease. Still, with a potential inability to coax players that learnt the game at other locations around Adelaide, would they have been able to compete and win as quickly as the Crows?
Of all the hypothetical narratives I have raised across this series, this is possibly the most impossible to answer due to the fact that there is an almost non-existent sample size of Port playing AFL calibre teams at that stage..
With just the aforementioned clash against the Cats to go by, all we can truly state is that by the commencement of the 1990 season, Port Adelaide were proven to be a side that was 52-points worse off than a team that lost their respective Grand Final the season before by a straight kick.
However, as Geelong bested eight VFL teams โ including three finalists - by this margin or greater in 1989, this isn't actually that big of a slight on Port at all.
This answer may seem feeble, but as the gap between the quality of the two competitions at that stage is nigh on impossible to quantify in this present day, I am sticking to an answer that Port Adelaide would have run to a similar timeline as the Crows had they been afforded a chance to.
Nonetheless, even though nothing can be proven, members of the Crows' murder should always be thankful for Ports' bold bid to join the league in 1991, as it forced the SANFL to begrudgingly birth your side.
So, Crows fans, just remember that during the next Showdown when you are hurling abuse at your fellow statesmen in the stands.
