Like Will Ashcroft's stab from the pocket, it came from nowhere.

But like a stirfry filled with packing peanuts, there was nothing to it. No substance; Absolutely zero nutritional value.

Behind the dead-eyed guise of their logo, Brisbane's social media team loaded a cap gun on Tuesday afternoon before taking aim took aim at little brother, Gold Coast

In the space of 72 minutes, those at the den and their counterparts from Cararra traded barbs blunter than a butter knife, all in an effort to "hype up the QClash", scheduled for the Saturday evening timeslot at Heritage Bank Stadium.

Like any rivalry, a certain level of hyperbole is required to make all of the facts, the fiction and the bitterness is wrapped up in a package neat enough to sell to the masses.

But what if it's all fiction?

What if there is no bitterness?

What if the beef, as they say, isn't even real?

In the same vein as Springfield's - no, not that Springfield - jester, Krusty the Klown, the button pushers at Brisbane have said the quiet part loud.

Loud enough to confirm what the rest of us have known for some time: this isn't a genuine rivalry. The gags, the gamesmanship, the whole box and dice, none of it is organic. This beef isn't grass-fed, it's lab-grown. The steaks, as it were, are far too low.

This pseudo stoush is not the only case of concoction. Remember Chris Fagan and Stuart Dew donning Stetsons in 2018? When exactly did they start breeding Brahman along the M1 exactly? Anyone?

Still, just as trite is trite, fun is fun. After all, this fake beef is the fixture's saving grace at the minute, as very little else is being dished up. Nothing of substance, anyway.

In all, Brisbane and Gold Coast have QClashed on 24 occasions, with the former winning exactly two-thirds of the oft-limp duels - 18 wins to six. Across each of these meetings, the average margin of victory sat beyond the six-goal mark - 37.2 points.

For clarity's sake, the last time the Suns ran the Lions close, let alone pipped them, they had Steven May at full-back, Tom Lynch at full-forward and Malcolm Turnbull was cock of the walk on Capital Hill.

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - MARCH 31: Tom Lynch and Steven May (L) of the Suns celebrate after winning during the round two AFL match between the Carlton Blues and the Gold Coast Suns at Etihad Stadium on March 31, 2018 in Melbourne, Australia. (Photo by Michael Dodge/Getty Images)

Take AFLW results into account and the ugly stick only hits harder, with Craig Starcevich's Lions undefeated across their four fixtures against the new kids on the block.

Though Brisbane and Gold Coast would play out a pulsating draw during their first W meeting back in 2020, in the seasons that followed, the chasm between the originals and the upstarts has been more than 11 goals a game on average.

Any good stockbroker will tell you that past performance is never a guarantee of future results, but with a gap the length of a Snapper Rocks right-hander between Fagan's pride and Steven King's motley crew, Saturday evening's fixture isn't likely to put anybody's fingernails in harm's way.

The AFL's fixture makers may have done away with Rivalry Round ahead of the 2010 season, yet with a string of old, new, good, bad and ugly foes scheduled to meet again this weekend, the card for Round 20 presents the same as a Don King brainchild.

Carlton and Collingwood on Friday night? Yes, please. Any chance of seconds?

Showdown Saturday? Say no more.

Dogs and Giants? Bont. Toby. Yep, there's no love lost there.

Tigers and Dees at the 'G? Historic hatred packaged with present permutations? Sign us up.

Roos and Eagles? Hey, it might not be pretty but ask the right fan, and they'll tell you the big prize is on offer here.

Another humdrum QClash? Well, they can't all be winners, can they?

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA - MAY 20: Will Ashcroft and Brandon Starcevich of the Lions confront Nick Holman of the Suns during the round 10 AFL match between Brisbane Lions and Gold Coast Suns at The Gabba, on May 20, 2023, in Brisbane, Australia. (Photo by Albert Perez/AFL Photos via Getty Images)

History shows that there are many ways to forge a rivalry, and the vast majority of them - geography, economics, imports, exports, suspect acts and contests of consequence - come with a distinctive umami flavour.

In the simplest of terms, rivals have history. History that the tribes on either side of the fence gloat and whinge about in equal measure. Think, these ingredients are exactly why neutral viewers around the globe have always tuned into Ashes Tests en masse.

With over an hour of multi-laned traffic dividing the Lions' den and Cararra, these supposed foes aren't exactly next-door neighbours. Throw in the fact both of these debt-hit clubs are yet to draw any bad blood at the trade table, and we are still looking for a box to tick.

And despite claims from outgoing chief Gillon McLachlan earlier this month that Queensland is "becoming an AFL state" due to a surge in grassroots representation, these new-wave participants aren't turning up to the seniors, with an average crowd of just 18,015 attending these off-off-Broadway sideshows.

GOLD COAST, QUEENSLAND - AUGUST 18: The two teams scuffle during the first quarter during the round 22 AFL match between the Gold Coast Suns and Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium on August 18, 2018 in Gold Coast, Australia. (Photo by Jason O'Brien/AFL Media/Getty Images)

So, just how far off seeing a QClash of consequence are we?

Unless someone suplexes Lachie Neale on Saturday, or the Brownlow Medalist requests a shock trade south of Southport, we're at least another season away.

Why? Well, the only salvo strong enough to blow the status quo to smithereens is an all-Queensland final. But for a side like the Suns, one currently without a head coach and the same consistency as melted butter, any current thoughts of September are still just pipedreams.

Whether the Suns rise, set or stay idle next season is ultimately up to them. Either way, unless the fudge hits the fan up in Woolloongabba, Brisbane are odds on the play finals again in 2024 in what would be their sixth trip of the Fagan era.

However, once the red tape around the worst-kept coaching secret is cut, and an Academy-raised man-child joins the ranks, there will at least be some zest a the Glitter Strip next season.

Scrape aside all of the artificial flavours, is there anything actually on offer in QClash XXV?

Not really, no. But is anyone surprised?

The Lions have all but locked in their double chance, just as the Suns have consigned themselves to a thirteenth-straight season outside of the eight.

Any upset will be seen as little more than a blip on Brisbane's form line. 'It was the loss', the talking heads are sure to say, 'the Lions had to have', with any form of Suns win as hollow as those Snapper Rocks pipes.

'You can't start a fire without a spark', Springsteen still sings to sold-out crowds. But in the Sunshine State, there will never be a spark outside of September, let alone enough energy to actually sleep with the lights on.