Melbourne Demons defender Steven May has opened up on the mental health battle he's fought through the course of his AFL career, with help from the club's psychologist, discussions with teammates and the occasional round of gold giving the premiership Dee a new outlook on his own health and mental welfare.
May, now Melbourne's general in defence, has spoken on his journey as a teenager out of the Northern Territory to now having been part of the AFL system for over a decade, playing close to 200 matches.
The Darwin native flew to Victoria as a 15-year-old to attend Melbourne Grammar and better his education, looking to escape from a challenging environment.
In an interview with Tackle Your Feelings Australia, May spoke candidly on the difficult decision to leave his mother and the Top End to pursue a football career, speaking on the impacts each chapter of his life has had on his mental health.
"If you asked me three or four years ago to talk about your feelings, I would have said 'hell no, there's no way I'm doing that'," May said.
"When I was 15, I got a scholarship to Melbourne Grammar, which was really exciting but pretty daunting leaving Darwin and such a young age.
"I didn't want that life that probably a lot of my uncles and family had lived. I think growing up in Darwin, mental health wasn't a thing.
"As a young kid, I wanted something different. My mom did as well. It was hard for me to say goodbye to her, but she knew it was for the right reasons."
May would be drafted to the Suns as a priority zone selection pickup prior to the club's first year in the AFL, with May a member of Gold Coast's inaugural squad in 2011.
The now-30-year-old, like many of his teammates, find their opening years in the AFL to be arduous, with the Suns struggling to improve year after year, tallying 14 wins in their first three seasons.
May moved to the Demons after eight seasons with the Suns, where he was captain before deciding to depart the Queensland club.
His time at Melbourne wasn't smooth sailing either, with May suffering an early injury blow to start his career in the red and blue, before off-field indiscretions also took their toll on his mental health in the years after.
"I got drafted to the Gold Coast Suns in their inaugural year. The football experience was very tough," he said.
"We played one-on-one defence and we were all pretty young and used to just get smashed every week. (I) just thought maybe I'm not that good.
"I left and joined the Dees right after they just played the prelim. Round 1 I tore both my groins. I was done for 12 weeks. That season we finished 17th.
"I got done drinking as well when I was injured. The fact that I couldn't be on the field helping my teammates just made it worse. Every time we'd lose like my name would come up in the media as well saying 'they could've used him but he's let the team down'.
"You start to believe all your bad thoughts in your head and it's hard to escape that I guess.
"I sort of shut down from my teammates and stuff because I felt guilty. My actions probably weren't reflecting how I was feeling for the team.
"It was certainly the toughest year of my life."
May admitted that he had perhaps looked to combat mental health issues throughout the early stages of his career, but the toll significantly lifted during his time in Melbourne.
He was unable to "shake this feeling of being sad all the time", often isolating himself away from his teammates.
"I probably had mental health issues throughout my life and they sort of come and they go, but when I got to Melbourne they were just hanging around and getting stronger and stronger and I just I couldn't shake this feeling of being sad all the time and angry, even though I was at the club I wanted to go to," he revealed.
"I was back playing footy, but I was still missing something.
"The boys would play cricket at lunchtime or shoot some hoops, have a chat, have a coffee. I'd just find myself getting my phone and laying down in the corner and just scrolling through Instagram and stuff. Just not being present."
Having since turned to a club psychologist, a practice May doubted as a solution for his mental health issues, the Demons star has been able to see the results having open conversations has had.
Mixed with the occasional round of golf with close friends, as well as less time spent on his phone, May's mental health has begun to flourish.
"Psychologists have always been available to footy players or footy clubs, but I've always thought that's not for me,"
"The old cliche prevention is better than cure... Every week we get a massage, we get physio, keeping our bodies right so we're ready to play we don't go and get it once we've torn our hamstring.
"But for some reason with mental health, it's kind of like leave it, leave it, leave it until it builds up. (Then) something bad really happens and then you get help.
"It wasn't until I started talking to my psych at the Dees that I started to unpack some of the stuff that was going on and the reasons why I was feeling the way I was.
"Being vulnerable isn't a weakness. I'll put my hand up, I thought it definitely was.
"While you may not think it's directly affecting someone else in the team, but if they see you act like that or open up and chat, then they'll be more than inclined to do it themselves.
"I'm so lucky to be part of this club because of how accepting we are of everyone. We're always there to look after each other."
You can watch the full interview with Tackle Your Feelings Australia below...