Premiership Collingwood ruckman Darren Jolly has opened up on his battle with mental health post-football career.
The 38-year old hung up the boots at the end of 2013 after 237 AFL games for Melbourne, Sydney and Collingwood.
He won two flags in his playing days, both with the Swans in 2005 and Pies in 2010.
Jolly was given life membership at Collingwood's annual general meeting on Wednesday night and reflected on his recent struggles in a moving speech.
โEveryone is probably wondering what Iโve been up in this last seven years, certainly (since) when I finished footy back in 2013,โ he said to the room.
โThereโs been some highlights, like competing in two series of renovation show The Block, and winning one of them. Gaining my full builderโs license and purchasing a house in Kew to start my building business.
โI can honestly stand here and tell you thatโs pretty much the extent of highlights Iโve had over these last seven years.โ
Jolly said things really went downhill in 2015 as the big man dealt with a series of issues, including a brain tumour and split with his wife.
โSince 2015, Iโve been thrown some extremely difficult challenges in my life that Iโd never thought Iโd have to deal with,โ he said.
โChallenges that have tested me in every single way. Those include being admitted into hospital to remove aย brain tumour after I was told by a GP that I just had a sinus infection.
โHavingย A Current Affairย completely defame my new building business just as I was getting started over a build I did in Kew.
โHaving everything Iโve ever made in footy and after footy invested in a 2ยฝ year legal battle due to clients I built for not paying.
โAfter spending extreme amounts of money fighting for whatโs right and winning, Iโve had to sit and wait the whole year because the same clients appealed their loss.
โSpending three weeks in a mental facility to deal with depression. Leaving my 15-year marriage because I fell out of love and wanted a happier life.
โI can stand here tonight and say everything I was going through broke me. After a long slow burn, I had this unrealistic expectation I could fix everything on my own.
โItโll be right, Iโll fix it, I was telling myself. I was constantly telling myself and other people I was fine and acting like everything was OK when in fact, it wasnโt.โ
Jolly said the turning point to get him back on track was the day he considered taking his own life.
โOne day I finally acknowledged to myself I couldnโt get through this mess on my own and needed help was the day I almost did something stupid and ended my life,โ he said fighting back tears.
โEverything was too much to handle and I lost control. I lost my drive to keep going, I lost my purpose in life, I lost my direction and I lost my path. I thought it was easier just to go.
โIโm not ashamed to stand here tonight and tell you I spent time in hospital to deal with my issues. I look back now and say it was the best thing I could have ever done.
โI learned a lot about mental illness including depression and the coping mechanisms to get back on track. As there are still some challenges to go through, Iโm in a much better headspace now to deal with them.
โI now enjoy talking about my experiences because one, it helps me with my recovery and two, I hope talking to people about my experiences might help them with their issues and difficulties and show them that men who play AFL or men in general, arenโt immune to lifeโs struggles.
โI have great people around me to help me now, the three people who are here, my mates and mental professionals.
โIโm taking each day as it comes and continuing to work towards a happier and more fulfilling life.
โI know one day Iโll get to see my girls. I pray thatโs sooner rather than later, I will get through this and be a better man for it.โ
